I Refuse to Write a Poem About Body

Or bodies, plural, meaning corpses,

or warm things pressed together,

or in relation to each other, I refuse

to write about body meaning the specific

ways embraces are acceptable between

parents and children, I refuse to write

a poem about my body, meaning its shape,

which is wrong, but only in the wrong light,

except everybody is always casting

the wrong light on it, I refuse

to write a poem about my body, meaning

corpse, which haunts me every day,

asking me to build it, why haven’t I built

her yet, why haven’t I pieced together

the collection of blades and pressures

necessary to allow her to take my place,

I refuse to write about the awful sensations

bodies are capable of imposing upon each other,

like wet, or soft, or throat throat

throat, I refuse to say that body is a name

that means I want something other than this,

I refuse to write about callous, which is

a word for a body struck too many times to feel,

I refuse to strike any body ever again,

I refuse to strike matches against my body,

I refuse to match my body against the years

it is owed, which I have still not decided

to pay, I refuse to pierce my body with light,

striking myself pink and bright, meaning alive,

I refuse my body, meaning ghost, meaning I deny

him three times before the sun rises, before

the sun itself can strike my body against

itself until it makes the sound boy,

until it makes the sound I’m sorry,

until it makes the sound please,

until it makes the sound it is all I have

ever wanted.